Only Hurts When I Breathe
by Whisper Sweet Nothings
Summary: Bella wakes up alone and panics, thinking Edward may have left her again. Edward will finally get to see with his own eyes how his leaving affected her. How will he react? What will they say to one another, and will he be able to comfort her? ExB Oneshot.


**Okay, so this is my first attempt at a Twilight story. It started writing itself in my head the other night, and...I couldn't seem to ignore the idea, so I attempted my first Twilight story. I'm not sure if it's any good, so reviews would be amazing.**

**Oh, and it takes places sometime shortly after New Moon. Also, the italic part is supposed to be Bella's memory, and I took that part [the italics] directly from New Moon, I just condensed it and kept the necessary parts needed to go along with this story...so anyways, that part was directly quoted and left in Bella's POV since it's her memory. Make sense? I hope so.**

**I re-read it before I put it up, but if I missed any mistakes, I apologize.**

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish I do, I don't own Twilight, Edward or Bella, or any other characters for that matter.**

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**Only Hurts When I Breathe**

She woke up feeling slightly too warm for her liking, along with noticing her head was resting on something much too soft. Realizing what was wrong, she flung her eyes open, only to find her bed, along with her room empty of anyone other than herself.

"Edward?" she whispered into the empty room, knowing he would hear her if he were there.

Panic rose within her at the realization that Edward wasn't there. She questioned if she had simply imagined that he had ever returned, or if that had been real but he had yet again left her. Her heart clenched at the thought, and began to beat more quickly and irregularly.

That's when the hole tore open. The enormous hole that consumed her for months after he first left. The hole whose edges had seemed to mend themselves slightly, but now ripped wide open again.

Her breathing hitched in her throat as she fought for air. She couldn't breathe. Every forced breath hurt. Every frantic and panicked beat of her heart was accompanied by a pain she never wished to experience again. Only this time it was so much worse, because she had believed he would never leave again and now he was gone. He had left her again.

She continued to fight for air, her panic continuing to rise with every passing second. She wrapped her arms around her torso in an attempt to hold herself together, to keep the hole from ripping itself even wider. To keep her heart from shattering into a million pieces.

Thoughts swirled through her mind as a wave of nausea hit and a familiar numbness took over her body yet again. The same numbness she had felt for months after he had spoken those dreadful words to her.

_"Bella, we're leaving."_

_"When you say we --," I whispered._

_"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct._

_"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."_

_"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying._

_"You...don't...want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order._

_"No."_

As she remembered the day he first left her, the hole tore even bigger, even though she thought that wasn't possible at this point. She felt the tears cascading down her pale cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away, as she knew they would just keep coming.

As she continued to try and gasp for air, her lungs unwilling to take in a full breath, she was startled by a sudden voice coming from beside her open window, so familiar and velvet like, she thought she must have been dreaming.

"Bella?" he called. "Bella, love, what is it?" he asked, his eyes just as filled with agony as his voice. He came rushing to her side at vampire speed, and before she could blink, before she could realize that this was even real, that this wasn't just a dream, he was beside her on the bed, his strong arms wrapped gently but firmly around her, hugging her to his marble chest.

"Are you real?" she whispered between gasps for air, her voice hoarse and strained.

His eyebrows pulled together in concern and confusion at her words. Realization struck a moment later, when it occurred to him why she was in hysterics. "I'm here, love. I won't leave you. Not again -- never again," he vowed as he placed his hand over her panicked rapidly beating heart.

She looked up at his face then finally, almost as if to make sure it truly wasn't a dream. When their eyes met, she seen the aguish and torture his face held. She instinctively reached a hand up to smooth out the crease of his tense brows. Upon touching his wintery skin, she finally absorbed the fact that she was awake, that he had not left, and that he was truly there. This realization caused her to throw her arms around his neck in a vice like grip, willing herself to never let go.

"You're real. You're here," she said into his neck with a faint smile of relief beginning to form on her lips as her breathing finally began to regulate, and her heart began to decrease its rapid beats.

Edward simply held her for a few moments, staying silent as he held her close to him and breathed in her intoxicating scent as he was hit with his own memories of their agonizing months apart.

"Is this what it was like while I was gone?" he asked as he pried her arms from his neck to place her in his lap so he could see her face. His face was arranged into a mask of calm, however she noticed his eyes contained a hint of the pain and guilt he still felt.

As another tear trickled down her cheek, she shut her eyes before nodding her head, unwilling to see the tortured look upon his face that she was sure would appear once she answered his question.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered sadly as he gently brushed his fingertips along her cheekbone and placed a cool kiss to her forehead, causing her eyes to flutter open and meet his.

She realized this was the first time he had ever seen for himself what his leaving had done to her. He had seen it in Charlie's mind, or even Jacob's, but never with his own eyes. What she allowed Charlie and Jacob to see was more restricted, when she was able to hold it in to an extent. But what Edward had just seen now had been what it was like when she was alone, confined to the space of her room where the memories of their endless nights together in her room filled her mind, as much as she fought to push them away. But now he had seen it with his own eyes, he had seen the worst of it, and she hated the pain it caused him.

Since he had come back, there had been many times when the familiar panic had risen within her whenever he left her for any period of time, though she had learned to hide that well, and to trust that he would come back. But the panic still set in each time, the unwanted memory flooding her mind of what it was like to have to live without him, but she hid the fear so it wouldn't upset him, so it wouldn't cause the pain to set into his features and fill his eyes like it was now.

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't be sad." She hated to see this gorgeous creature in so much pain.

"Look at what I have done to you," he stated, taking her face into his hands with pure care and caution, staring into her deep brown eyes and watching as yet another tear escaped. "The pain I've caused you," he murmured.

She attempted to shake her head, but with little result, as his marble hands were still cradling her face. She doesn't want him to get into this conversation; She wants to avoid it. "You're here now," she tells him quickly. "That's all that matters."

"I was a fool, thinking I was leaving to protect you. Instead of protection, all that I caused you was this unbearable pain," he murmurs in his still anguished tone, his thumb gently caressing her cheek bone and wiping away yet another tear. "Was it always this painful?" he asked, his carefully composed mask beginning to slip away from his perfect face, causing her to avert her eyes.

"Only when I breathed," she responded without thinking about her answer, as her mind was forced to remember the pain she felt every minute of every day with every breath she took when he had left her. She instantly curses herself for letting the words slip out. Slight panic began bubbling within her knowing the pain those four words would cause him, and knowing she couldn't take them back. She held her breath waiting for his reaction.

As much as she hated this heart wrenching pain she felt right now at the thought of Edward leaving, she never wanted Edward to be in pain. However, as soon as she lifted her gaze back to his, she was met with the same tortured and agonized look she had seen on his face while he was under Jane's ministrations. The memory caused her to shudder.

"Breathe, Bella," he reminded gently. She complied, and attempted to try and keep her breathing rhythmic and even.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, "how foolish I was. I shall never be able to make it up to you, not even within all of eternity. But I will always continue to try," he vowed.

"Edward, I forgive you," she told him fiercely as she pulled his hands down from her face to grasp both his hands in hers before hiding her face against his chest. "Just don't ever leave me again. I wouldn't be able to survive it if you were to," she continued in a whisper. "I can't live without you."

"Nor can I without you," he sighed, pulling her closer against him. "I promise I will never leave you again. I will be by your side for all of eternity, or for as long as you want me," he soothed, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I'll always want you. I want to be with you. Forever," she explained while staring into his dazzling golden eyes.

"Forever," he vowed. And within that one single word, it held the promises she needed. The promise of a forever with Edward. The promise that he would never leave her again. And the promise that she would have all of eternity to love him unconditionally, and that he would forever love her.

Feeling elated by his words, she felt the need to have his lips on hers. So without a moment's hesitation, she brought her lips crashing down onto his, her arms instantly snaking around his neck and her fingers finding their way into his hair. He responded to the kiss, but with caution, as always. She knew he would pull back in a second, always much too soon for her liking. But as though he could sense her need to feel his lips on hers, he didn't break away. Instead, a hand of his own found its way into her strawberry scented hair.

That was as far as he would allow it to go, however, never trusting his own control. So instead he trailed icy kisses down her jaw, and onto her neck, his lips never leaving her skin.

It was then that she realized that despite his trails of kisses leaving her slightly breathless, she could breathe again. The pain was gone, and the gaping hole that had torn open had mended its edges together yet again; All due to his promise of forever, it no longer hurt to breathe.

She could breathe again.

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**So, what did you think? Any good? Please leave a review, I would love to know what you thought.**


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